


Redemption and Forgiveness

by KillianJones32



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Fluff, M/M, Marauders' Era, The Prank
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 07:03:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7158782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillianJones32/pseuds/KillianJones32
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He told Snape.<br/>He told the Marauders’ nemesis about Remus’s biggest secret.<br/>That mightn’t have even been the worst part. If Sirius had just told Snivellus that his boyfriend was a werewolf then he could go back later and laugh it off, insist that he lied or if the worst came to the worst, obliviated him.<br/>But no, Sirius had told Snape exactly where to go on the night of the full moon, how to enter the Whomping Willow and what he would find there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Redemption and Forgiveness

Sirius Black is known for being an excellent prankster, effortlessly clever and a renowned rebel. 

However Sirius Black is also irresponsibly impulsive. 

Acting before he thought is an everyday occurrence for him which sometimes led to great results. 

Such as the day of Gryffindor quiddich try-outs in third year when he had never given much thought to participating until James convinced him to try out with him that morning. James as chaser and Sirius as a beater. They were both instantly accepted onto the team. 

Or the afternoon at the beginning of sixth year when he and Remus were listening to muggle records in their dormitory and Sirius threw all caution to the wind and kissed the other boy like he had wanted to ever since fourth year. 

Nevertheless sometimes his rash actions proved to have severe consequences.

There were the many times he talked back to his parents while growing up and was met with a swift body bind spell or on those special occasions, his mother’s beloved cruciatus curse.

Not forgetting all of those genius pranks that left him with months of detention on his record. 

But nothing he had ever done was worse than this. 

He had told Snape. 

He had told the Marauders’ nemesis about Remus’s biggest secret. 

That mightn’t have even been the worst part. If Sirius had just told Snivellus that his boyfriend was a werewolf then he could go back later and laugh it off, insist that he lied or if the worst came to the worst, obliviated him. 

But no, Sirius had told Snape exactly where to go on the night of the full moon, how to enter the Whomping Willow and what he would find there. 

Sirius hadn’t said anything about it for the rest of the day, he distracted Peter in class, planned pranks with James and held hands with Remus under the table until it was time for Remus to leave for the shack. 

When Remus stood from the table at the Great Hall to leave, Sirius grabbed his arm tightly. 

He couldn’t do this, he had to tell Remus what he had done. 

Remus turned, his light brown eyebrows drawn together in confusion, his green eyes were already sparkling with gold as his inner wolf prepared itself for its night of play but Remus was smiling, a tight, tired smile that caused Sirius to bite his tongue. 

“Pads?” Remus asked attentively “Everything alright?” 

Forcing a smile, Sirius nodded, “Of course! Just…stay safe. We’ll see you later” 

After dinner, Sirius was determined to find Snape, to corner him and order him not to go after Remus.

He would hex him, throw him in a cupboard and lock him in for the night so he couldn’t expose Remus. 

However today seemed to be the day that Snape decided to completely disappear. Sirius raced about the castle, desperately trying to find the person he dreaded seeing every morning but Severus Snape was nowhere to be found.

When curfew finally rolled around, Sirius realised he would have to go to James. 

Thankfully the Common Room was otherwise empty when Sirius burst through the portrait hole and headed straight to James who was sitting in the corner working on his Transfiguration essay.

“James? Can I look at the map for a second?”

James peered over his thick glasses at Sirius and frowned. His best friend who was usually the most casual, calm guy around was clearly on edge as he fidgeted with the hem of his robes. 

“What for, Padfoot?” 

“Prongs this is important” Sirius hissed 

“Then tell me what it is.” 

Sirius tried to keep it together, he tried to stop shaking but his vision was becoming blurry and he just didn’t know what to do.

“I screwed up Jamie” Sirius chocked out “I screwed up…so bad.” 

...

Everything was a blur after that. 

He remembers James running faster than he had ever run before to get to the Shrieking Shack, Sirius hurrying to keep up with him. 

James ordered him to wait outside while he searched inside. Before long Peter arrived and he stared in horror at Sirius when he saw James drag Snape out of the Whomping willow and quickly put two and two together.

James and Snape engaged in a heated debate, James had his wand pointed threateningly at Snape and was most likely demanding he never tell anybody what he saw but Sirius couldn’t hear the finer details with all the blood rushing in his ears. 

The howls from the shack caused his heart to ache and he desperately wanted to transform and run into the shack, nuzzle his nose against the wolf and silently beg for forgiveness. 

“He’ll never forgive you.” 

Peter’s whisper caused James and Snape to stop arguing and to turn to the other two students who stood with them in the moonlight. Peter’s jaw clenched as he stared expressionless at Sirius who had silent tears streaming down his face. 

James trudged over and grabbed Sirius by the arm, 

“Come on. We are going to Dumbledore’s office.”

“Dumbledore knows about this!?” Snape’s voice was tainted with disgust and horror and Sirius felt queasy even thinking about what Snape was going to do with this new information.

“Yes Snivellus, Dumbledore knows, now shut your filthy mouth. Peter you stay here and…look after Moony. You two are coming with me.” 

Letting himself be dragged to the castle, Sirius couldn’t suppress the whimper that emerged as the howls of a heartbroken wolf only got louder as he walked away. 

...

Curled up in a ball by the fireplace in Dumbledore’s office, Sirius couldn’t remember a time when he had felt so small, so guilty and so broken.

He didn’t know the exact time but the sky was still dark and he knew it was well past midnight. Remus would still be in his other form. Locked up in the shack with only a rat for company instead of running free in the forest with a wild dog and stag by his side. 

Dumbledore’s face was solemn as James explained the story, or the bits he knew. Snape was asked to fill in bits but he seemed too shocked to say anything, much to the discomfort of James. 

“That’s quite alright Mr. Snape. You may return to your dormitory now if you wish.” 

The relief on Snivellus's face was transparent and Sirius almost sneered.  
“Yes Professor.” 

“Oh and Mr. Snape.” Dumbledore said “I trust you not to breathe a word about today’s incident to anyone.”

“But…but professor-“

“I assure you Severus, I take great pride in maintaining the safety of my students. You have nothing to fear. Tonight’s mishap was…unfortunate. A grave mistake on Mr. Black’s part but I think it is clear that he feels remorse from his actions.” 

“That doesn’t mean what he did was alright!” Snape insisted 

“Of course not Mr. Snape. But if you do tell people what happened tonight then you would have to reveal that Mr. Potter here saved your life.” 

Snape and James both grimaced at that fact 

“Rumours spread quickly Mr. Snape, even past these castle walls. Your peers and family members would be shocked to hear that your life was saved by the boy you’ve had several altercations with over the past few years. Or who knows maybe they would deem Mr. Potter here a hero and encourage you two to be friends after all this time.”

Snape glowered at the thought and James let out a snort.

“As I suspected, off to bed with you Mr. Snape. Get some rest for your classes tomorrow, we wouldn’t want anyone to think something was wrong.” 

Severus hesitated for a moment before exiting the room. 

Dumbledore looked over at Sirius for a moment before turning to James. 

“James I would like to personally thank you for your actions tonight. You’ve done Mr. Snape and most importantly Mr. Lupin an immense favour. One neither of them can repay. Consider whatever detentions you’ve been given non-existent for now.” 

“I didn’t do it for Snape” James whispers, his eyes are red and tired, his posture is weak as he stands against the wall and his hair is even more dishevelled than usual. “I did it for Remus.”

Professor Dumbledore nods in understanding, “I’m sure Mr. Lupin will be most grateful, please make sure he knows that he is in no trouble for this incident, no matter what Mr. Snape may say.” 

James nods.  
“I suggest you head to bed Mr. Potter. If there is any talk of what happened tonight then come to me at once. Until then, go straight to bed, a good night’s rest will do you the world of good.” 

“Thank you professor.” 

James turned and ignoring Sirius completely, leaves the room and shuts the door behind him. 

Sirius rationalised that it had only been a matter of time before he got expelled. With the sheer amount of pranks he pulled and detentions he got, Sirius was well aware that one day the headmaster would grow tired of his rebellious antics and throw him out of the school. 

He could only imagine the reaction he would get from his parents when they found out. He couldn’t go back there, not now. He would be put under the cruciatus curse for weeks and then probably forced to join Voldemort. No way was that happening.

Sirius clenches his pale fists. No, when Dumbledore makes him leave he won’t go back to 12 Grimmauld Place. He won’t have anywhere else to go, certainly not after what he has done but he’ll get by.

He always does. 

“Sirius” 

The long haired teenager finally met the older man’s twinkling eyes. 

“Sirius you do feel remorse for what you have done don’t you?” 

Sirius nods

“And you won’t tell anybody else about Mr. Lupin’s secret?”

Sirius shakes his head

Dumbledore takes a deep breath, 

“Well then off to bed with you.” 

Sirius’s eyes widen, “Sorry?” 

“You’re exhausted Sirius, try and get some sleep. I suspect your next few weeks in school will be difficult but I advise you to have faith. Remus is a genuine character, he will  
forgive you in time.” 

“But…wait I’m not expelled?” 

Dumbledore raises an eyebrow, “You wish to be expelled?”

“No! I just…Snape-Severus could have died. What I did-“

Dumbledore leans forward in his chair and softens his tone, 

“I have no doubt that if you could take back what you did then you would. You won’t do it again and you will learn from this mistake. I could expel you or issue you a lifetime’s worth of detentions but…I’m afraid if Remus reacts badly to what you have done then that will probably hurt you more than anything I could do. But like I said in my experience this will all be forgotten about in a few months.” 

“I’m not so sure about that…” 

“It’s not escaped me how…close you and Mr. Lupin are Sirius. If he cares about you as much as he seems to then he will find it in his heart to forgive you.”  
Sirius can’t think of an appropriate response so they sit and listen to the crackle of the fire for a few minutes as Sirius adjusts to the headmaster’s words. 

“I suggest you go to bed now Sirius, it is awfully late.” 

Sirius nods and rises from his crouched position, 

“T-thanks Professor Dumbledore.” 

Dumbledore smiles, “Just remember Sirius, forgiveness is far easier to come by if the guilty party not only apologises but shows their remorse and makes up for it as well.” 

Sirius nods and leaves for the dormitory, where no matter how hard he tries, he just can’t fall asleep. 

And he can tell from the tossing and turning in the bed next to him that James can’t either.

So they silently stare at the ceiling and pray to Merlin that this isn’t the end of the Marauders. 

...

“Moony?” 

Remus whimpers and opens his eyes, blinking rapidly as he adjusts to the daylight. When his eyes finally focus, they land on a tall, blurry figure with messy black hair. 

Grimacing, Remus tries to sit up, “James…” 

James smiles and gently helps Remus sit up against the pillows. 

“How did I…why…?” 

This isn’t the first time Remus has woken up in the hospital wing after a full moon but his friends know not to bring him here unless he is in a really bad state or had a particularly bad night. 

That’s when bits and pieces of the previous night came back to him, Sirius’s anxious behaviour, preparing for the full moon alone, hearing unfamiliar footsteps in the shack just as he was about to transform.

He remembers transforming and after that he remembers voices, James’s most distinctly, along with another voice that certainly wasn’t Peter…but sounded strangely familiar.  
James settles into the chair beside the bed and smiles sadly at him

“James…what happened?” 

Taking a deep breath, James starts to tell Remus the whole story, 

“Remus…Sirius did something bad. Something really bad.” 

By the time James is finished, Remus is frozen and staring at the wall opposite him just to avoid James’s worrisome eyes.

“Moony…Peter won’t let him come in. We haven’t talked to him other than to tell him not to come here under any circumstances. If you want me to ask him to come here for you to talk then I can-“

“No.” Remus interrupts softly “No don’t…don’t do that. Please.” 

James nods

Silence fills the hospital wing for several aching moments as Remus gathers his thoughts. 

“Remus I-“

“Thank you Prongs”

James frowns, “What for?” 

The sandy haired boy pulls his arms around himself, “For pulling Severus out…I know with your feud with him it would have been easy for you to go along with Sirius’s plan and-“

“Hey!” James smiles and leans forward to meet Remus’s eyes “I would never have let that happen. I don’t like the greasy git but I don’t want him dead. I’m just sorry I didn’t get there sooner. If I had then he mightn’t have seen what he did.” 

Remus shrugs, “It was bound to get out sooner or later…” 

James shakes his head firmly, “No, Dumbledore insisted that Snape isn’t to breathe a word of this to anyone.” 

Remus scoffs, “Since when does anyone listen to Dumbledore?” 

“He will. Remus he will listen to him I promise. Snape won’t be telling anyone anything any time soon.” 

“He could just tell his parents, they’d have me expelled within the week.” 

“Dumbledore would NEVER let that happen.” 

Remus finally meets James’s eyes and decides he doesn’t have the strength for an argument, “Yeah. You’re right.” 

James waits a moment before standing awkwardly, “Listen I eh promised Dumbledore that I’d go to all my classes today. Just so nobody suspects anything. Pete and I will be back before dinner to give you the day’s gossip. You’ll be alright until then?” 

Remus nods and tries to smile but somehow he can’t manage it. 

“I brought those books you were reading and I’ll make sure to take note of the homework today, I’m sure you’ll want to keep up. I’m not sure how long you’ll be here for, Pomfrey didn’t say.”

“James, really thank you. Go to class. I’m fine really.” 

Remus was proud that he managed to wait until James left and the hospital wings doors shut before he let the tears building behind his eyes fall down his scarred cheeks. 

...

Remus is in the hospital wing for three days after the incident. 

The other three Marauders are told to continue about their day as normal but every student and staff member at Hogwarts can see something is wrong. 

Sirius Black only appears at one meal a day and when he does he sits on the end of the Gryffindor table, far away from where his former friends James Potter and Peter Pettigrew are eating in silence. He attends all of his classes because no matter how rebellious Remus secretly was, he never missed one of his classes so Sirius thought he should start doing the same.

The school gossips wildly about the tear-tracks that are on the young Black heir’s cheeks at all hours of the day. And when he exits the Gryffindor common room one evening with a large bruise forming on his left cheek, the rumour mill spins with shock that James Potter punched his best friend in the jaw when he attempted to talk to he and Peter Pettigrew in the common room. 

James is significantly less boisterous than usual. He hasn’t harassed Lily Evans in over a week, he goes to all his classes and actually pays attention.  
After the altercation in the common room, he emerges with bloody knuckles but his face remains unharmed. Witnesses insist that Sirius didn’t bother to fight back, he didn’t even try to hex him, Sirius simply just stood there and took what James gave him. 

Peter always appears on edge, he jumps whenever a particularly loud noise occurs during the day, he flinches at the remarks other students make about him which he used to laugh off and anyone could see he can’t concentrate in class

James and Peter are hardly seen outside of class and mealtimes as they are always in the hospital wing with Remus but Sirius never seems to join them. 

Two days after the incident Lily approaches James on his way to the hospital wing.

“Potter! Eh, James?” 

The tall, skinny, messy haired boy turns, his eyes wide in surprise.

“Ev-Lily, hi” 

Lily brushes a strand of hair behind her ear and smiles nervously, 

“Are you going to see Remus?” 

James nods

“How…how is he?” 

“A bit shaken up…em just a prank gone wrong you know? But he’s good, he’ll be out tomorrow or the next day.” 

“A prank gone wrong?” Lily asks disbelievingly “This prank wouldn’t have been caused by Sirius would it? Is that why you and Peter aren’t talking to him?”

Any other time James would have made a joke about how she’s clearly keeping an eye on him but he really isn’t in the mood today. 

“Something like that.” 

“Can I see him?” 

“He…I don’t think he really wants visitors.” James says cautiously “He doesn’t want people seeing him like this-“

“James please.” Lily’s bright green eyes are shining and James swallows “I know you and I haven’t always got along but Remus…Remus is my friend. One of my best friends. I just want to know he’s okay.” 

James hesitates for a moment before nodding and gesturing for her to follow him. 

...

Remus flicks through the pages of his book, staring at the words and yet he can’t seem to take anything in. It’s one of the books James brought him, one that he has had for ages but never had time to read. This should be a great opportunity for him to read more than usual but he just can’t seem to focus.

Because Severus Snape now knows what he is. 

Remus has grown accustomed to his friends knowing the truth. His friends who always reminded him that he wasn’t a monster. They were always there to make light of the situation so Remus could feel normal. To reassure him that he wasn’t the vile creature that the vast majority of the wizarding world assumed he was. 

But Severus Snape wouldn’t do that. He would never feel the same as the Marauders did. 

On the contrary he is most certainly disgusted with what Remus is. 

And Remus couldn’t blame him.

“Remus?” 

At the sound of his name, Remus looked up to see a hesitant James lurking at the end of his bed.

“Hey James.”

James ran a hand through his hair, 

“Someone wanted to see you…” 

He sits up straighter in the uncomfortable hospital bed and stares straight into James’s nervous eyes,

“James I-“

“Hey Remmy” Remus frowns at the feminine voice and his face relaxes when he sees Lily’s smiling face and familiar red hair

Remus drops the book on the bedside table and smiles, “Lils…” 

Lily approaches the bed and sits on the edge, careful not to sit on him and Remus wishes Peter had been so thoughtful the day before. 

“How are you feeling?” Lily brushes his hair back from my eyes and he’s grateful for the loving gesture. 

Lily is the only one outside of the Marauders who knew the full extent of his relationship with Sirius. Remus is pretty sure she knew he was gay even before he knew himself. Even with the complex relationship between her and James, Lily had always been there for Remus. But he still couldn’t risk her knowing about his furry little problem. 

“I’m fine” 

Lily doesn’t look convinced but as always she doesn’t question it.

“I miss you in lessons you know? Your mates are unusually quiet and it’s not the same without them disrupting everyone and you trying to get them to shut up.” Lily teases and Remus smile 

He checks to see James’s reaction but he seems to have left Lily and Remus to talk in private. 

“I’m being released tomorrow thankfully.” 

“Oh that’s great!” 

Remus nods and begins quizzing her to distract her from asking what he knows is on her mind. 

“How was your day? Anything interesting happen?” 

Lily shrugs, “Sev-Snape approached me today but I walked away before he could say anything.” 

“I’m proud of you.” 

Lily huffs, “I would have hexed him but I didn’t want you to be stuck with him in here.”

Remus’s smile falters, he can’t help but fear that Snape wanted to talk to Lily about what he saw. To tell Lily about the monster her friend really was. 

“Well thanks for that, much appreciated.” 

She’ll never know how much. 

Half an hour later, after many random conversation topics, the inevitable finally happens, 

“So…would you like to talk about it?” 

Lily doesn’t press, she simply asks and if he were to say no then she would accept that and change the subject. That’s possibly why Remus feels comfortable enough to open up to her.

“What do you know?” Remus asks, instead of answering the question. 

Lily settles back into the seat beside the bed and sighs, 

“Not much, I’ll be honest there were a lot of rumours but James and Peter quickly made people stop talking. Sirius…looks awful and people can see that he hasn’t been to see you and that the other two won’t speak to him. There eh…was also an altercation between James and Sirius…”

The sandy haired boy groans, “What happened?” 

“James hit him…in the common room. Sirius just stood there. He didn’t say anything or attempt to fight back. He just…stood there.” 

Remus closes his eyes and tries to fight any feeling of care and worry that he has for Sirius but he can’t.

“You don’t have to tell me what happened…but…if he hurt you then-“

“It wasn’t-“ Remus watches his fingers fidget with the bedspread “it wasn’t like that. Not in the way you think. I don’t think his intention was to hurt me necessarily but…stuff happened that can’t be taken back and I don’t-“ 

His voice catches and he feels Lily take his trembling hand into hers and she squeezes his gently.

“I don’t think I can forgive him for this Lily…” 

Lily pulls her chair in closer to the bed and smiles softly at him, 

“You don’t have to Remmy. If it was really that bad then you don’t have to. But…don’t rule out giving him a chance to explain. If you don’t trust him then make sure there’s people around, James, Peter or whoever. But Remus you two have been best friends far longer than you have been anything else. I think he does love you…not just as a friend but as more. I’m not saying you should forgive him or trust him but…just don’t rule anything out? At least not straight away…”

Remus takes a minute to let what she says sink in before smiling at her,

“Lily Evans, always the voice of reason.” 

She smirks, “Well someone has to be.” 

...

Remus ignores the looks, the whispers of gossip when he passes by, the taunts from certain Slytherins but most of all he ignores any and all signs of Sirius Black. 

James and Peter practically act as his personal bodyguards, standing on either side of him as usual, except now they glare at every student who gives them a second look and seem to be constantly on the lookout for their fourth estranged group member. 

They distract him with kitchen raids, helping him catch up on homework and notes, study sessions in the library with Lily and breaking curfew to find new secret passageways. 

Before they know it, a week has passed since Remus was freed from hospital and Sirius had made no attempt to approach him. 

That being said, he never really gets the chance. The other Marauders along with Lily are doing a pretty good job of keeping him as far away from Sirius Black as possible. 

Even though he never asked them to, Remus can’t help but feel grateful. 

He sees Sirius in class of course, but Remus is so determined not to catch his eye that he focuses twice as hard and takes down everything the professor says, whether he needs to or not. 

From the stolen glances he’s caught of the black haired boy, Remus realises that Lily wasn’t lying about how bad Sirius was doing. 

He slumps in his chair, his shoulder-length hair is raggedy and knotted and there are definite bags under his eyes. Yet whenever Remus returns to their dorms, Sirius’s bed curtains are always shut tightly. 

A week later, Sirius makes his first attempt to talk to him. 

Remus, James and Peter have just returned from their final class of the day and for the first time in over two weeks, Sirius’s curtains are open and they can see Sirius sitting on his bed, waiting for them. 

Sirius looks up slowly when he hears the door open and Remus has to stifle a gasp. 

This is the first time he’s seen how utterly exhausted Sirius looks. 

His eyes are rimmed with red and he has dark bags outlining them. His hair has recently been washed and has been brushed back from his face. It wasn’t in its usual messy bun that Sirius used to hide Remus’s wand in, just so he could offer him kisses as an exchange for giving it back. 

Sirius stands and wrings his hands together, Remus notices that his nails are completely bare. Sirius hasn’t gone a day without wearing his beloved nail polish since Marlene McKinnon and Mary McDonald introduced him to it in second year. 

All of this makes Remus want to reach out and pull what used to be his boyfriend into a tight hug, forgive him for everything and whisper words of love and affection into his ear for the rest of their lives. 

But he can’t.

He just can’t.

“I…”Sirius’s voice is hoarse but he coughs and continues talking “Remus could I talk to you for a minute…please?” 

“No.” James’s tone is level and firm. 

For a split second, Sirius looks away from Remus to James’s cold eyes before turning back to Remus again, 

“They…you can stay, both of you. I just…wanted to…explain”

“Explain?” Peter asks disbelievingly 

“Apologise…” Sirius says weakly 

“Go on then.” Remus says, forcing himself to show no emotion in his tone or face. 

He doubts he’s succeeding very well.

Sirius takes a deep breath and locks his shining grey eyes on Remus’s cold green ones. 

“I’m sorry.” His voice cracks, “I’m so sorry, I…I am. I solemnly swear. What I did was the worst thing I’ve ever done by far. And you…Remus you know I’ve done some bad stuff before but nothing like this. I don’t…I don’t care about Snape. I don’t care what happens to him but I shouldn’t have…told him what I did. I never should have involved you. I’m…I’m so sorry.” 

Tears are falling from Sirius’s eyes now and his ghostly, pale hands are shaking but Remus just feels cold.

“Please…I know I never should have told him…he…he knows now and I’ll never forgive myself for that or for what could have happened. But…this isn’t about me. I make everything about me and I’m sorry because your problem wasn’t about me at all…let alone Snape.” 

Sirius takes a hesitant step closer,

“I won’t…I won’t harass you anymore or beg you to take me back or annoy you because like I said this is about you, not me. But just so you know I do love you. I love you more than anything or anyone. All of you and I…I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you this way. So I understand if you can’t forgive me. But…please…please Moony I…I need you, I love you. I love you so much and I’m so sorry. I’ll do anything to make up for what I’ve done. Anything to just be your friend again. I’m…I’m sorry.” 

Silence fills the dormitory for what feels like years before Remus finally speaks,

“Is that all?” 

Sirius’s face crumples but he nods and whispers, “Yeah” 

Remus nods in return, turns on the spot and walks out the door, closing the door behind him. 

...

Sirius stays true to his word. 

For the following weeks, he leaves Remus and the other Marauders alone. 

He sits away from them in class and in the Great Hall. He ignores the jokes James makes in class and the foolish things Peter says or does on a daily basis. He tries his best not to stare at Remus during the day and after dinner he hides himself away in his bed, closing the curtains tightly so the others don’t have to see him. 

After the first few weeks and his very brief talk with Remus, Sirius felt as if there were no more tears left in him so in the evenings instead of planning pranks with James, playing chess with Peter or kissing along Remus’s neck as he reads a new book, Sirius sat on his bed and did homework. 

He studies, reads books that he knows Remus loves even though Sirius was never interested in books, he plays muggle records with silencing charms up as to not to disturb the others. He listens to his David Bowie albums sometimes but usually he listens to the music Remus likes and closes his eyes and remembers the good times they had together. 

Before he screwed everything up. 

Sirius Black, the boy destined to fuck everything up. 

He fucked up his chances with his family when he was sorted into Gryffindor, he ruined any chance of a good, Black family arranged marriage when he point blank refused and shouted to his whole family that he wouldn’t marry who they wanted because it was disgusting, wrong and he was fucking gay anyway. 

That had him on the receiving end of several cruciatus curses. 

Sirius soon realised that the pain of losing Remus was far worse than the cruciatus curse. 

Losing Remus was bad enough but he had lost James and Peter too. 

James glanced at him worriedly in the Great Hall sometimes when he noticed Sirius wasn’t eating as much as he should. 

Peter sometimes forgot they weren’t speaking and turned to him in class as if to ask him something before quickly realising his mistake and turning away from him once more. 

Their other roommate Frank Longbottom offers him a courteous nod in the mornings and evenings but they had never been close anyway. 

Sirius had thought he would cope better at being alone. 

He had grown up practically alone. Regulus and he had grown apart once Sirius started Hogwarts and their cousins stopped visiting when the only decent one, Andromeda ran away and married a muggle. 

But this constant feeling of emptiness, mixed with guilt and pain forced the walls in Sirius’s mind to close in on him too often. 

He misses his friends. He misses his brother James and the pranks they used to pull, the laughs they had but also the serious conversations about loving Lily and loving Remus, about Sirius’s home-life and James’s ambitions to be an auror. 

He misses his friend Peter who was always up for a game of gobstones or chess. Peter who you didn’t need to explain anything to or justify yourself to. You could simply vent all your worries and stresses to him and he would smile and tell you it was your turn in wizard chess. 

He misses Remus. He misses his boyfriend, his best friend, his Moony. He misses the boy he trusted more than anyone. He misses the late night cuddles, the way Remus used to play with his hair in the evening. He misses the forehead kisses, the nose kisses, and all the kisses really. He misses when they were tangled in sheets or walking down the hall, innocently holding hands.

He misses the Marauders. 

His plan had originally been to leave them alone, to let Remus decide if he could trust him again. To give Remus the chance to make the first move so Remus didn’t get annoyed at Sirius pushing him to be friends again. 

But now Sirius remembers what Dumbledore said. 

Forgiveness is easier if the guilty party proves they’re sorry. 

Or something like that. 

The Marauders seemed to be making no progress in wanting to talk to their lost member again. So maybe it was time he started making it up to them. 

He had to make it up to Remus and he would do anything to ensure that happened. 

...

It was a week before the full moon and Remus was getting anxious. 

Would Snape turn up at the Whomping Willow with his friends to show them the real reason behind the Shrieking Shack’s screams? Or would he bring a small gang of death eater children who would kill the wolf on the spot? 

Remus shudders and tries to keep his head down as he walks back to the Gryffindor common room from the library. 

The stares have lessened now, the scars on Remus’s face from that night have faded and Hogwarts gossip is now focused on something and someone else but Remus is always on guard in case he runs into Snape.

The only time they’ve interacted since the incident was when he passed by the Marauders (excluding Sirius) in between classes and he sneered at them.

That wasn’t exactly uncommon but his sneer was usually directed at James or Sirius but this time he only had eyes for Remus. 

And Severus’s eyes held nothing but pure revulsion. 

Remus is so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t notice a figure approaching him until he feels a hand on his arm.

Remus jumps and comes to a halt. Sirius is standing beside him, one hand still on his arm. 

Remus pulls away and steps back but he doesn’t flee like his instincts tell him to. 

“What can I do for you Sirius?” 

Sirius flinches at the coldness in Remus’s tone but stands his ground,

“I…I know it’s the full moon next week.”

“Well done.” 

Sirius gives Remus a pointed look but continues, 

“I know you probably haven’t forgiven me yet. But I also know you and I know you’re panicking even more about this one because of what happened. I…I want to be there for you…as Padfoot of course. Just for that night, you and the others can go back to ignoring me after that if you want.” 

Remus blinks, unable to believe what he was hearing. 

Sirius looks down, pauses for a moment before taking Remus’s hand in his, 

“Just…think about it okay?” 

Before Remus can reply, Sirius’s hand has left his and he is speed walking in the opposite direction.

Frowning at the newfound weight in his hand, Remus looks down and swallows when he sees what Sirius has left there. 

It’s a bar of his favourite kind of chocolate. 

...

It’s not a good idea. 

Remus knows it’s not a good idea. 

The anger he felt towards Sirius has faded and all that’s left is hurt. 

And that tiniest bit of love for the other boy that he just can’t seem to shake. 

But that doesn’t mean Remus ever stops thinking about it.

Remus mentions Sirius’s offer to James two nights after he suggests it. 

If James is surprised, he doesn’t show it. 

Instead he sighs, shrugs and tells Remus that the decision is up to him. But he softly reminds him that the wolf always did prefer Padfoot’s company to the stag or rat’s. 

The young werewolf considers this. 

It doesn’t escape his notice how difficult this has been on his friends, on James more than Peter. 

Sirius is like a brother to James and vice versa. 

James may be taking Remus’s side because he knows what Sirius did was wrong, but Remus knows how much it pains him to ignore his brother, to watch Sirius torment and torture himself but can’t bring himself to comfort him.

Remus knows because he feels the same way every time he sees Sirius. 

So the morning of the full moon after Remus finishes picking at his breakfast, he takes a deep breath and walks down the hall to where Sirius is sitting alone, staring at his plate more than eating anything off it. 

“Okay.” Remus whispers from behind him and Sirius whirls around at the soft voice that was barely audibly amidst all the early morning chatter. 

“O-okay?” 

Remus can’t help the twinge in his stomach at the gleam of hope in Sirius’s gleaming grey eyes. 

“Okay.” Remus repeats “You can come. Tonight. But you come alone.” 

Sirius nods vigorously, “Of…of course yeah…thank you.” 

Remus nods and shuffles his feet nervously,

“Are you eh done?” Remus gestures to Sirius’s half eaten breakfast

“Eh yeah I think so, wasn’t very hungry…” 

Remus nods, “You…want to walk to class with me?” 

“Merlin yes.” Sirius says instantly.

They walk in silence but Remus can at least admit to himself how good it feels to have Sirius walk by his side again. 

...

That night, the wolf and the dog forget everything that had happened between them over the past month and allow themselves to just…be free. 

Running through the forest, they forget the pain, the betrayal, the loss of trust, their fractured friendship and their most likely broken relationship. 

The stag and the rat remain close behind but internally they know that it’s best to leave the former lovers be. 

Even if they never speak to one another again, at least this night of happiness in their other forms will be of some comfort to them in the future.

...

Nothing changes for a while. 

Remus is furious some days, he feels like throwing his textbooks across the common room when he accidentally thinks about what Sirius did. He wants to go to the Astronomy tower at night like he and Sirius used to and scream at the top of his lungs because why couldn’t something in his life go right for once? 

Other days he’s just lost. He keeps his eyes forward all day in class so he can’t catch a glimpse of Sirius. His heart thumps loudly as he lies restless in bed at night, listening to the other boys toss and turn but he unconsciously keeps an ear out for Sirius the most. He still hasn’t gotten quite used to sleeping on his own again.

He’s upset a lot, but does his best not to show it. Instead on those days he keeps quiet at breakfast, reminiscing on the way he used to lazily lean on Sirius’s shoulder in the mornings after a bad night’s sleep. At night he dreams of walking out into the pouring rain and just standing on the castle grounds in silence. Nothing but the droplets of water rapidly falling on his face and the memories of how Sirius felt in his arms to keep him company. 

Sirius respects that Remus isn’t ready for them to be friends again but that doesn’t stop him from trying. 

Sending him that small genuine smile of his when they not so accidentally make eye contact during the day, putting a stack of neat, categorised charms notes besides his bedside table because he overheard Remus confiding in James about how stressed he was about their upcoming charms exam. 

One night, Remus falls asleep by the Gryffindor common room fire, his tea gone cold on the table and his charms notes carelessly fallen to the floor. The next morning he wakes in his own bed, still wearing his uniform but there’s a blanket carefully thrown over him. A blanket that smells distinctly like Sirius’s cologne and has strands of dog hair all over it. 

The night before the next full moon arrives and Remus takes a deep breath before knocking on Sirius’s closed curtains. 

Within a few seconds, the red and gold fabric has been pulled aside to reveal Sirius blinking in surprise at him. 

Remus’s breath catches as he takes in Sirius’s loose t-shirt that Remus bought him of that muggle singer he loves and the plain black underwear he is wearing. His hair is down and has grown just a little past his shoulders in the months they’ve been apart. Clenching his fists, Remus scolds himself for letting Sirius get this reaction from him. He has seen Sirius in far less after all. 

If Sirius notices Remus’s distraction, he ignores it and smiles instead “Remus…hi.” 

“Hey” Remus’s voice is gentler then he would like but he can’t find it in him to care “I just wanted to talk to you about tomorrow.” 

Sirius nods but doesn’t say anything 

“I…I would like it if you come out with us tomorrow."

Sirius’s eyes widen and he seems to be frozen in place. 

Remus scratches behind his ear, “Eh for the full moon? Its tomorrow night and-“

“I remembered” Sirius whispers “I always remember.” 

“Yes, well” Remus coughs “Would you like to transform with us tomorrow?” 

Sirius searches Remus’s eyes and his heart flutters at the sparks of gold that he finds there. 

“I would…but…” 

Remus frowns, “But what?” 

Sirius clutches his right arm and avoids Remus’s gaze,

“I want to spend tomorrow night with you and the others. But I…I still want everything else too. I want to spend every night with you, I want to be there for you every night and comfort you every day. Not just when the full moon rolls around.” 

Remus opens his mouth to say something but Sirius continues, 

“I know I don’t deserve any of that anymore” Sirius smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes, “I just want you to know. If you only want me around on the night of the full moon then every month I’ll be there. But if you ever want more than that, I’m not asking for what he had because I understand you…you probably don’t want that and you most likely never will. But just…I’m always here for you.” 

There are so many things Remus wants to say but none of them manage to leave his lips. 

Sirius lifts a hand and gently uses a finger to stroke Remus’s cheek before stepping back, 

“I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

Sirius waits a minute before closing the curtains around his bed once more. 

Stumbling back to his bed, Remus shakily sits on the end of it and lets his head rest in his hands. 

Sirius was wrong. 

It had taken him two months to accept it but Remus still wants what they used to have. 

And that was the moment Remus knew he could forgive Sirius for what he had done and he realised that maybe some part of him had forgiven him a long time ago. 

...

Two mornings later, Remus woke up with a sharp, throbbing pain in his side. 

He squints his eyes and attempts to sit up but his body disagrees with him when another shot of pain is sent up his side that’s so piercing, he gasps loud enough to wake the sleeping body in the chair next to him. 

That’s when Remus’s eyes finally open enough to take in the slowly waking form, curled up in the chair that’s pulled up beside his bed. 

His hospital bed. 

Dammit he was back here again. 

“Moony?” The person detangles themselves from the chair and instantly awakens when they realise Remus is awake, “Oh Remmy thank Merlin.” 

Sirius kneels beside his bed and brushes Remus’s sweaty hair back from his eyes and smiles adoringly at him. 

Remus turns to him and takes note of the other boy’s tired, red eyes and the worrisome but relived expression on his face. 

“Siri…Sirius what happened? Why am I here?” Remus asks, swallowing twice and looking around for any signs of water that he can gulp down the dryness in his throat

Sirius quickly catches on to what Remus needs and fumbles to grab the empty cup from beside his chair, he points his wand into the cup and mumbles a quick, “Aguamenti” before placing the cup in Remus’s left arm.

“Use that one, your right side got hurt pretty bad last night. That’s why you’re here.” 

Remus tries to nod but he is too busy slurping down the contents of the hospital cup. Finishing the water with a happy sigh, Remus places it on the small table beside him and catches Sirius’s grin. 

“What?” 

“Nothing” 

Remus’s eyes narrow but doesn’t press the subject, “So what actually happened?” 

Sirius huffs, “We went for a run in the forest and some of the rougher centaurs decided they wanted to play chase with us. One of them took a shortcut and ambushed us, wolf-you slammed right into him and landed on your side. That’s why your side’s bruised.” 

Remus nods in understanding and closes his eyes. 

He wants to ask Sirius why he’s here, they have hardly spoken in the past two months and yet Sirius seems to have slept here and stayed with him until he woke up. He should be in class, that’s likely where James and Peter are but it surprises him how happy he is that Sirius is with him. 

“Sirius?” Remus opens his eyes to find Sirius watching him carefully.

“Yeah?” 

“Could you help me sit up?” Remus asks, feeling the blood creep into his cheeks at having to ask such an embarrassing question.

Sirius on the other hand jumps up at the request, “Of course.” 

Sirius places a hand on the small of Remus’s back and Remus has to restrain a shiver. Even through his top, he can feel how cold Sirius’ hands are. They were always so cold. 

Sirius gently pushes Remus up and then Remus is able to push back until his head rests against the pillows Sirius has propped up for him. 

“Thanks…”

“No problem.”

Remus looks down at the hospital top and bottoms that he’s been dressed into and Remus bites his lip and wonders if Sirius had been there for that or not. 

One of Sirius’s many talents was that he could always read Remus like a book and this was no exception,

“Don’t worry, James helped you into your clothes. You were unconscious so he probably used a spell to do it…I’m not sure, Peter and I waited outside for that…” 

“Ah okay…” Remus doesn’t meet Sirius’s stunning grey eyes. Knowing that if he does, he won’t stop falling until he drowns in the stormy orbs. 

Neither of them speak for several minutes but when Sirius finally does, Remus feels his heart ache.

“I can go…”

Remus head snaps to Sirius, who has pulled his chair closer and sits hunched over in a way that Remus knows will hurt his back later. 

“What do you-“ 

“If you don’t want me here.” Sirius says softly.

The tenderness in his voice kills Remus, how resigned Sirius is in thinking that Remus probably doesn’t want to be in the same room as him any more than he has to. 

A million thoughts rush through his head as he battles with what to say but finally he reaches out his hand and takes one of Sirius’s hands in his. 

Gently Remus pulls their hands up to his lips and kisses the back of Sirius’s hand softly. 

“I want you here. From now on. Wherever we are. Whatever happens…I want you here.”

Staring into Sirius’s grey eyes which shine with tears, Remus lets himself fall,

“I want you Sirius. I want us.” 

...

Months later as Remus closes his eyes, the feel of Sirius warm body pressed against his as they drift off into a peaceful sleep, Remus knows that he made the right choice in forgiving him. 

Sirius pulls Remus closer and buries his face in his neck. He thanks Merlin and whatever muggle gods that have ever existed that Remus forgave him. He kisses the sleeping Remus's neck and internally promises that he will never do anything that could tear them apart ever again.

...


End file.
